Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
