Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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