i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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