Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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