My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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