Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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