All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He kissed a someone with a penis
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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