so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
