i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
