she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
