I heard we made out
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
