seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
