I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
