she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
