I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
