Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
