I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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