Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
