Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
