HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
