I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
