We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
