Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
