but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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