Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
