You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
