We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
