We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I wear drunk well.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
