it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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