She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
