that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
