Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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