OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
