i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
