In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
