i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
