The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
