She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
