I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
