I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I party with great urgency now.
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