I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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