No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
