My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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