i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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