Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
