We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
