I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
