I faked an abortion last night.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
