I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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