I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
