exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
