trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize