just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
