i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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