You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize