I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
