I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
