im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
