Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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