Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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