Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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