Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
