Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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