I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
