Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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