Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
