is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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