I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
