I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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