from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
