yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
