oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize