He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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