I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
