i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
