I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's Friday. Sex?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
