She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
