Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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