She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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